1. 60 Minutes would be 30 Minutes because, frankly, who has the time?
2. The Real Housewives of LA, New York and Atlanta would actually be the real housewives of LA, New York and Atlanta.
3. At the end of romantic comedies, the wise-cracking best friend would get the guy.
4. Violence against women would be the subject of lead news stories, not just opening teasers for crime shows.
5. The Fox News motto "fair and balanced" would describe more than its female anchors' hairstyles.
6. The New York Times would -- oh, wait, the Executive Editor of the NYT is a woman now. Never mind.
7. Good bye Chick Flicks. Hello Prick Flicks!
8. Network shows claiming to empower women would not be set in The Playboy Club.
9. No more reporters would appear in CNN "human holograms." They're not sexist, just stupid.
10. Chelsea Handler and Jimmy Kimmel wouldn't be the only Late Night hosts with boobs.
11. No one would ask Pat Buchanan to offer an opinion on anything ever again.
12. Actresses over 50 would get to be as sexy and serious as actors over 50.
13. To preserve realism, when characters get pregnant on TV shows, the actresses would be required to pad not just their bellies, but their butts.
14. Esquire's new annual issue: "Women We Don't Necessarily Love -- But We Respect."
15. Men would never stop complaining that 3% was a ridiculously low number and they were being discriminated against. Women in power would listen... and agree... and do everything they could to help men achieve equality.
This has been reprinted with permission.